The Surgery (Part 2)

"Alia? Alia? Can you hear me?' the nurse directly next to me asked whilst tapping me

"I think she's awake"

I saw my Doctor walking towards me to tap me and said the same "Alia? Can you hear me"

I heard all these, but its all a blur. I only remembered the nurse and doctor in blue asking if I can hear them.

Probably went back to sleep after, because the next time I realised was three nurses saying "Alia are you ok? We're going to shift you on another bed ok?"

I think at that time whilst they were moving me, I was thinking it's done, we've cleared the baby out, I was icy cold freezing, I remembered saying "I'm cold" and a heater was placed underneath my blanket, I had 4 blankets on me and..... I was cryinggggg but I did not feel any pain at all. Like it suddenly just came, those tears never behave do they! The nurse kept saying "Eh don't cry, it's ok. Everything's done, we'll take you upstairs ok?". Sighhhh these nurses just make me wanna hug them for being so compassionate and kind.

I remembered seeing Aiman, again everything was a blur but I have a feeling I went back to sleep after or I was in a daze.

I fully woke up at nearly 3pm, and heyyy I was back to being myself. Haha! I looked at Aiman and said "Heyyyyy I survived yayyyy it wasn't so bad after all! Where's Vivy? Is it me or is it cold in here?".

He just looked at me and said "Vivy went to fetch Daniel and Mariam from school sekejap but Fadza's coming later. Ermmm you have 5 blankets on you now, you're still cold?"

Hahaha! Can you tell, I must have been a different person before this, drugged and all.

So here's the real thing, Aiman told me that when the nurses wheeled me back into the room, I was crying my eyeballs out and kept asking for my Doctor. I was apparently icy cold and continuously shivering that when the Nurses tried to take pressure, she couldn't get any reading....twice. And all I kept saying was "I'm cold" and "Where's my Doctor?". Haha kesian Aiman, he was so worried that he asked the Nurses if I'm alive conscious fully or not? They said to give it time for the GA to wear off, and that once I wake up, I would need to eat, and pee and I might even throw up before the Doctor clears me. If I don't then she'll put me back on drip to assist with fluid internally. I also apparently told him to let me listen to songs, which explains why the ipods are playing my playlist when I woke up.

Before I knew it, Fadza has brought all my colleagues over to the hospital to come and visit me and brought cakes along. Well, I was told that before pantang starts I could cheat a little, plus who says no to Kek & Co bakes! And hey, I was told that one of the things I need to do was to eat, before I can get discharged. Well, them? Waiting for my drugs to wear off be like.... whennnnn?

Long story short, I was definitely anxious prior to surgery but given that I had an amazing set of people around me, it all went by so quickly and without much pain at all, Alhamdulillah!! Aiman and I figured that God was just letting me taste what Hospital felt like, how GA was like and what Operating Theaters looked like - with an added bonus of having the greatest set of people around me to go through it all with me, the Doctors, Nurses, Family and Friends.

The best feeling was waking up the next day being able to eat chicken all over again without having to run to the toilet to throw up. All day sickness is real guys!

My advice is if you're scared like me, it's OK to ask the Doctors a million and one questions, it's OK to only choose who you want to be around with during the tough period, it's OK to feel sad even if people come to you and say "I've been through it, you'll get over it" or "been there, done that". At the end of the day, you're the one going through it and you want to go through it your way :))

...just yeah, say Thank You and Sorry to your Doctors and Nurses when everything's done, because you know what, you really don't know how difficult (or not) you may have been throughout the entire procedure when under drugs hahaha! I felt so thankful that I had them and of course all my Doctors and Nurses got Fluffed with cookies and cupcakes after :P

The Surgery (Part 1)

Was I scared?   VERY! 

I was anxious from the week prior to the surgery, but thank god I was physically able to work - work totally kept me very occupied and distracted and I had a great set of Doctor and Nurses who kept assuring me that it's ok and was patient enough to answer my one million questions like

"Will you put me to sleep for real? Will I wake up in the middle of the procedure?"

"No, no of course you won't. You'll not feel any pain at all I assure you"

"Then am I gonna wake up at allll after the surgery?"

....Yup, my Doctor answered all these kinda question, very patiently. Having Doctor's appointment was probably the only thing that can make my day better. Bless amazing Doctors who have anxious patients like me on a daily basis! You know why? Their job involves doing this everyday, so they're experts and it's really probably nothing to them, but yet he still spared me so much time to just make me feel calm and assure me everything will be ok.

Had Doctor's appointment first thing in the morning day before, Doctor A checked and I was told that the baby's refusing to shrink, everything were still intact and the same size - both baby and the sac (we waited 2 weeks for natural miscarriage to happen). Mannn I don't know who the stubborn-ess genes came from is it Aiman, I'm sure it's me, Aiman's not that stubborn hahaha! I was told to fast 12 hours starting from the night before, and of course with all the anxiety and pregnancy hormones, I was able to hold nothing down, gahh God help me I was running out of energy by then. I called both families, mine and Aiman to have dinner with me only to throw up everything, so Aiman decided he'd take me out for one final supper date to the mamak stall nearby for roti canai. By the time we finished and I had half a roti canai, it was already time to start fasting.

Couldn't sleep, starting to get hungry and anxious I totally broke down. I think at that time I was totally confused. Confused about whether to go through the surgery or to carry this baby and wait it out (even after the Doctor said that it may take a few weeks more). It's a funny feeling carrying a baby without a heartbeat, eventhough you know it's not alive you sort of feel like there's always the two of you at all times (Aiman and I are the kind that talk to the stomach and let her listen to the earphones with Quran playing at night hahaha!). So decided to pack my hospital bag and started writing Thank You cards out for all my Doctors and Nurses, you've no idea how super grateful I am to have met amazing Medical people who don't make me feel scared. I'm so used to just going to my own family-member doctors, it felt a little bit different to be going to a Hospital where I don't know or I'm not related to these Doctors handling my body parts.

Because it was a day before GE14, roads were so clear and by the time I know it, I was admitted and on the hospital bed at 8.30am at Columbia Asia Hospital, my surgery was not until 12pm that day. I can go on and on about how great this Hospital is, from their service to the kindness of their Medical team, all the Doctors and Nurses were amazinggggg I think I've finally found a favourite hospital. Nurse asked why I came so early? I said because Dr A told me to come before 9, but since it's still early could I just walk around? Hahaha shouldn't have asked, when she called my Dr, he said to take my blood and put me on drips right away. And the first thing I asked was "Is Dr A coming already?"

Two nurses had to take my blood and do the drip, coz my veins were a bit fine. Boy was I calm *flips hair*, eventhough when they did it I felt blood streaming down my hand. Immediately I asked "is my hand ok?". "Ok, you cannot move". "What? If I cannot move then can someone hold my hand please, because I may just move (out of fear)". You know how when someone says "Don't do this..." and you know that that is exactly what is gonna happen? :P

and then the waiting game beginsssss....When I'm nervous I listen to music a lot. Dr P, my other Doctor would attest to this, because before that when he had to have tools inserted inside of me, we requested for me to be allowed to listen to songs and it's like magic, I had loud musics playing and felt minimal pain. It has this power of transporting me to whatever times I wanted to, like that good times in Hyde Park when Aiman and I had ice creams or when we were in the Doctor's room and he told us about how normal the heartbeat was, or how I've brought this baby to Dubai. Of course this amazing boss was just here, on my hospital bed telling me about the meeting that just happened in the morning and massaging my legs the whole morning. Even wanted to bring me McDonalds, she forgot I was fasting.

My body though was probably just anxious, thinking what is GA like? What is the OT room like? Will the GA really work on me? What if it doesn't? Or what if it is tooo strong, I don't wake up?.....and then I started bleedinggggg! Called the nurse and she called Dr A immediately. I'll be honest, I was half scared, half happy. Did this mean that the surgery will be cancelled? It had to be monitored just to make sure if the baby is exiting on its own now or not.

I looked at Aiman and said "You forgive me rightttt for everything? Like we zero zero you forgive me if I've done wrong to you kannn? And whatever happens during/after this surgery, please say Thank You to all the Doctors. All our Doctors since the very beginning, they've done soooo much to take us all the way here, even if the surgery has complications, I still really love them no matter what". Guys, this is the scaredy cat me talking, thinking what if I don't wake up from the GA. Hahahaha!

I looked at my phone and it's 12.10, I was getting more anxious and I asked Aiman where's Dr A just when he came around and the first thing I said was "I thought you forgot about meee". Thank God for a calm and composed Doctor, he was just so calm when he came for final check he asked if I had clots in my bleeding and if it was heavy. Sheepishly I said "errr yeah I think so!" with the most innocent not-sure face. "Ok la a bit only, then we'll just go ahead with surgery and let's just clear it out clean". OBVIOUSLY HE KNEW I WAS LYING hahahaa!

"You're gonna be in there right?"

"Of course, I'm doing your procedure"

"But like when I get GA-ed..."

He just smiled and said, "Yeah of course, that's why I'm going down now. I'll wait for you at the OT downstairs"

So Aiman had his final discussion with Doctor A to request back for the baby (Yes guys you can do this! I never knew!) when he clears out my uterus, Doctor made some calls, nurses got me prepped and pushed down to the OT, and the whole time I just felt like puking. This is really happening!

Everything was bit of a blur in the OT, because I had to take out my lenses and glasses weren't allowed - basically I only saw blue colours around and whilst at it I could hear Dr A telling Dr B that I had actually requested to be knocked out in the room before being wheeled into the OT and immediately Dr B said it's ok, it will be quick. A girl can tryyyy not to remember anything in the OT :)

Went into the room to get the GA, they plastered all these things on my chest, I can't remember if I moved bed somemore and was told I cannot move so much, took pressure after that (I think) and then I saw needles, and then Dr B said "Ok, we're gonna start yeah, Bismillah". Everything was moving sooooooo fastttttt that all I remembered was I need someone I know to be here with me.

"Waiitttt.....Where's my Dr?"...it's scary that at every moment I felt scared I asked everyone around me to call Dr A. I only trusted my own Gynae at that point in time, maybe because he was the only one that Aiman and I have known for a while, and he knows I'm scared.

Hahaha they had to wait for Dr A to come in, he explained to me that the GA is done by Dr B, which I was already briefed in the morning but obviously conveniently forgot by the time I saw all the tools/needles/devices. And then I saw more wires and that gas mask thing, all these while Dr A was just casually chatting with me and asking me if Vivy was really my Boss and that I wasn't joking. Haha! It helped guys, coz I didn't even have to count backwards, I only remembered answering "Yeahhhh that's my Boss, for real, that's why I said for you to pass my MC slip to her straight"...before I went into la la land.

Believe me it helps a lot having a doctor that is very very calm and would talk to you when you just wanna ask questions and be distracted by the unknown that is coming, especially when your husband isn't allowed to enter the OT. But I also didn't allow him to not be there when I get out of the OT, especially when you're holding on to my Disney blanket.

Waking up was all another story, but I'll do that in Part 2 k! :) 

Pregnancy Journey - Cravings are REAL

So first trimester was a bit of a roller coaster for me - for a person who loves food, junks, McDonalds, Coke, mangoes, pineapples, Coffee Bean's Ice Chocolate, King William chocolate from Boost Juice, Chickennnnnn (all close to me knows my love for everything chicken).

I couldn't have them! Urgh....I hated chicken, I hated water (and couldn't hold down water for long), I wanted coke but was advised against it and all I wanted every single hour was...

ROTI CANAI with FISH CURRY and WHITE CHUTNEY. 

Safe to say that everyday I just wanted Indian food for breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper but thank God for Aiman who would just go out and buy them no matter what the time was. So one weekend, we had breakfast plans and I had suggested in the group chat that I wanted Roti Canai and everyone was OK. Fell back asleep, woke up and someone had recommended somewhere else. 

Let's just say Aiman had to console a crying wife (and I never cry because of food guysssss!) for a good half an hour and negotiated for the plan to be changed to a venue that had Roti Canai too. Gosh I felt so bad, I didn't wanna cry, it was the hormones I tell you! hahahaha! I was a bit concerned if all these were just in my head like "Come onnnn why can't I just eat whatever is convenient instead of making Aiman go out to buy what my baby wanted?". It's such a weird situation all the time, I see chicken and my heart will be filled with so much happiness, but once I take a bite, to the toilet I go. So we asked the Doctor during our next check up, and he just smiled, looked at Aiman and said "That's your duty" :P 

If it wasn't roti canai I just wanted something that sooo spicy! So spicy that Aiman was worried if it was safe for me to eat, but miraculously it all tasted bland to me. "Err, are you guys Malaysian? This is so not pedas!". Once ,I wanted Nasi Goreng Cili Padi that Fadza had to send it over to the house.....at midnight. Sighhhhh bless my boss for being so kind!!!

...and even with all that, I lost 4 kgs!

Pregnancy Journey - Fluid detected in the head

It's not that I was scared of the surgery....I was scared of EVERYTHING related to Medical stuff!

First advice I would give to you is choose a Doctor (or 2 Doctors in my case) that can make you feel calm and feel better at any time if you don't deal so well with medical stuff (read: That's all the time for me). How did I come from a family of Doctors again? The Medical genes never trickled down in me I guess. Beats me.

I'll take you to many weeks back: 

We were supposed to go out for breakfast at FAM but the night before I felt a little whoozy and pukey everytime I looked at food and it's also that time of the month when I get back ache and feel tired, so I decided to 'pee on the stick' and had to pee again because we weren't sure to believe it or not. Well they ALL came out with a big + sign but we couldn't call the clinic until the next morning to confirm it.

Woke up really early and the nurse told me to come in immediately for a blood test  *GULP*. Why can't you believe the Clearblue? It says on the box that it's 99% true all the time. Went in and she called me right away into the 'Phlebotomy' room and hey the needles and whatever tools were all ready alright. She probably knew I was nervous, so we started chatting about what I'm gonna do after that and what to have for breakfast and before I knew it it was over. The nurse just smiled and said "See, done already. Why you so scared?". Haihhhh those needles, so tiny but so powerful I tell you.

By lunch time they called back to confirm that I was Pregnant and I remembered Aiman and I were at ZARA and we were just soooooo happpy we didn't buy anything at ZARA. Distracted much? "Doctor will see you in 2 weeks to hear the heartbeat".

I was travelling that weekend so we decided to get a green light first from the Doctor and he casually said " Yeah sure cannn". I was given medication to help if I had cramps and was told that if any sudden bleeding just head to Emergency at Pantai Hospital or Columbia Asia and mention your Doctor's name, both Hospitals of which I've never been to. But I already felt so comfortable that the nurses were telling me step by step what to do if what happens and what number to call. Choose a good Doctor and team, always!

Fast forward to a few weeks after:

"Do you see, here's the back, the body and the........"

"I can't seem to see the head. Let's do the vaginal scan". I clearly remembered having a lump in my throat immediately thinking if it was a bad sign, Aiman on the other hand was just being all cool (either that or he did not hear the Doctor the first time haha!) because just 2 weeks before we had a clear scan and baby's heartbeat was normal.

"There's fluid in the head and the heartbeat has decreased from 2 weeks ago"

We were told to give the baby a week and see if the heartbeat increases. If it does then only we'll figure out what to do with the fluid in the head. Otherwise, there was also the possibility of a delayed miscarriage.

The Doctor was calm, but amazingly BOY WAS I CALM, I was so proud of myself! Of course after we left the Doctor's place erm....a whole tissue box didn't help either.

Ok wait, there's a delivery at the door. Catch you guys in the next post! :P