Exhausted

I can't seem to fall asleep eventhough I'm very very tired. I just broke down... thinking of the whole string of events today throughout my close to 12 hours shift with you sayang.

- Your restless-ness when you were in pain

- Your frustration when you open your eyes and you cannot yet focus your vision

- When I failed to lift you up on my first attempt when washing you up

- When you keep pressing your hand on your head

- The times that you demand familiarity when you put out your hands in the air for us to hold

- When I was feeding you and the tube got stuck for a second

- When I had wished for you to have a brother to add to the amazing set of sisters and brother in law that you already have

- and Mamas whole story bout nenek Banun's dialysis and Mama's one word tonight telling me that I might have followed Daddy's footsteps in being handy in Medical matters. It means a lot coming from Mama who has experienced a similar situation when she was expecting me

I'm always here for you Azwan and I will not stop praying hard nor will I ever lose hope and give up on you. Never, not even for a second.