Motivation - The normal way =)

"All my life, there wasn't just me and my dreams",

and that is not something out of the norm. Every normal person goes through that phase and more often than not, majority out of the whole turns out to be for the better =)

but then...come those very rare nights when you just think of where you currently are.Was it the same picture in the little mind few years back? To be in the UK now and graduating soon ( InsyaAllah ) and then those career paths you will soon start exploring. To want to be a successful economist, to the well demanded actuarist...engineers, lawyers, CEOs and Partners.

Those are the norms...

What happens if it was a different picture altogether few years back, a dream to be something else? Something, well...let's just say is not demanded well in the world of the successful graduates. To be something that people don't find any interesting points to touch on when speaking/pondering about it but most of the time about the fact that"it is not demanded at all. Period" nor do they take you seriously at times. More like "Haha...are you serious?" and that's bout it. The conversation dies...and just when motivation, inspiration and hope just starts building in you.

Then I thought, I might as well just do it on my own, but reality check. Dreams, you can chase, but most of the time not alone. You will need some help at some point. Apart from that, if it was going to involve a very VERY expensive risk...you think twice about it. and expensive here...I mean FAMILY. That's how much family matters. You don't get their support, you're gonna fail at some point. Well, at least for me.

Experience, gave me a taste of it all, when I fought for what I wanted to do...and it involved in me and my dad having the quarrel and silent treatment afterwards. Mum used to be the one to be able to pull things together, always and always. And as I worked hard towards my dream, it was all nice, sweet memories...but motivation just depletes, and the fact that I wasn't talking to my dad... One last International Tournament and after that I just decided to let it go. Let the decision haunt me badly after this, that was the last time I pushed for it and after that, I just decided to call it quits. It's all not worth the relationship with my family. At that moment in time, I'd rather build and chase a new more realistic ordinary dreams.

I should understand that I was already big enough to understand the importance of these all coz Dad was very supportive when I was younger, so supportive that he swallowed it all an supported me all the way during the biggest tournament in Malaysia and even said "This is for the team. you cannot quit now. Studies...? it's alright this time, battle this out first and we'll think bout it after ". Small Alia wanted to quit and dad came to the rescue. Big Alia has fallen in love with performing arts...obviously dad had to knock some sense in me. Scholarship was right there in front of me, why push it away! Education is the next way up! So to the scholarship I gave in. Dreams crushed but new dreams were built.

This is something OUT of the norm....until I saw someone else in my very identical situation yesterday. In her case, it was a different ending to her story, she worked, pushed for it, declined the scholarship offer, declined the Harvard University entry offer, sweat, cried, pursued her dreams...and became a Champion Skater! No, I don't plan to be a skater, but I'd love to be a dancer. and eventually a champion skater? Why not! :) To feel the pressure and work towards being a champion! Performing arts...to be able to dance and perform. Dance and move freely across the floor. To do something with all my heart and have so much passion in something I do that I don't need much effort to even think bout how difficult it is. That, was the picture in my head years ago but I was able to slowly erase it away from my memory today, maybe not entirely. Hey, it was a big dream...I'll expect it to be erased fully maybe when...actually I don't know. hahaha :)

Well, that was a different time period. Now I'm where I am and I am thankful for it. Thankful for what I am doing, what I have and where I am heading, the continuous (especially the family) support and all in the package =) Thankful that I am fortunate enough to experience both the 'academic world' and the 'no-education-just-training-and-competitions world'. Very fortunate indeed. So now, next up would be to handle all those 'academic' stress and battle out the final exams which is in a month's time! I can do this !! :D

As for,this summer, I am planning to try out something new. Something out of the norm all over again, but this time...in the 'academic world'.