2018 will always be one of the best and challenging years for me - new job, steep learning curve at my new workplace, super in love with my new job, traveled the world to new countries, got pregnant, went through crazy amount of needles and visits to the Operating Theater to help the baby survive (or exit peacefully, whichever), longer than usual miscarriage and with all of this most would want to believe that I have everything. Just so you know, I have my down moments too, just like any other normal person, I probably just look like him below! ;)
In fact I am just sooo grateful for the many people who had helped me through 2018 - the people who have been there and the new people that came into my life. I wouldn't have survived it alone!
Staying positive gets me going, in fact it gets us both going, Aiman and I. People see us and to them our lives are perfect. Alhamdulillah it's great and Allah has blessed us with so so much, but it's far from perfect. Nobody has a perfect life, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Since starting at FV, most people I meet would say similar things "your job looks soooo happy and fun! Can I apply?". Sure, but don't tell me I did not warn you that it's hard work and continuous buzzing group chats to make sure everything's working. Of course my instagram shows the happy events we have, the celebrities we meet, the branded goodies we get, the team lunches and dinners. I just don't show the parts where we get scolded (of course we do get scolded!), we were grilled and questioned, we were made to answer to investors, when things don't go as planned etc. I'm in love with my job, so much! But it doesn't mean that it's easy peasy, it's as much hard work as any other jobs out there.
We've always known we wanted to start a family this year, we gave it our all, seeked for the best care when I did get pregnant just to fight for and make sure this baby arrived in November, in time to celebrate Aiman's 32nd together as a family of 3, but Allah had better plans to place Baby S in heaven first.
It wasn't an easy year for me to look at babies, look at pregnancies around me whilst I struggled myself fighting for our own baby and afterwards having to go through a longer-than-usual miscarriage process. Even worse when you struggle out a smile for that person who asks you "So when is your turn to get a baby? Are you trying?". Either that or "Don't worry, be patient. Someone else has had more than one miscarriage". Again, if it was never instagrammed about, it never happened right? FYI, this is also not my first miscarriage, it just so happens to be my first time making it public. Why do people ask like it's a right they have? Loving my job so much doesn't mean I don't want to start a family. Not having a growing stomach to show, it's either it isn't time yet for us, or maybe it's more difficult for us than it is for others.
At the peak of my complicated pregnancy, some said to me that I have everything in my life - a job I love so much, a perfect husband and now a baby that is coming to complete our family. Because I had chosen to smile and not tell the world that the baby had liquid in her head and may possibly not survive the pregnancy does not mean I have everything. I just choose to not tell the world.
All I'm saying is I'm pretty much a normal girl with her own sets of ups and downs in life and getting through it all a day at a time. Sometimes I have great big challenges too that I struggle with, but you know what, just get on with it, try to see the positive out of everything as much as you can. Things will come by if it's meant to be and if He says it's for you. Always put your Trust in Him and always always be kind. Kind does not mean going out of your way to make someone that you're talking to happy, it just means simply that - to be nice at all times.
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